At some point in my life, realizing that talking to God and listening to Him was vital, I began to write to Him. I didn't do this because I'm a particularly amazing writer, nor a deeply spiritual monk(ette:). I started to do this because I would wander off in thought and completely not be able to focus for longer than a quick prayer, and often would fall asleep too. As I've come along my timeline, and have intersected the pressures and trials of everyday life, some epic and some just little, I knew the desperation of need for Help from Him. It didn't really begin as a hunger for Him, just His help.
It's really become a lifestyle. I am a writer, in so many ways. I've been trained by writing to Him. So, starting my days, or any time really, on a piece of paper, my pen greets Him with; "Dearest Father" and so He is.
Occasionally, I look back at old "journals" and find some significant things in there amidst my life babbling along. Today, I thought I'd share some things from one of those journals.
September 15/07
Dearest Father,
Counsel me Lord, with the Counsel of Your heart.
"...do not fear making a mistake, more than you fear Me. If your trust is secure, is shall be well - Holy well. Trust gives Me a place to dwell and I Am ever so joyful. Your Trust becomes My Heaven in your "earth". Just as time is very relative, and not binding to Me, so is size..."
You stand outside of time and are knit within time, according to Love's Wisdom. You are immeasurable, and of any size, all at once. Yet You weave Yourself within the fabric of creation and nothing exists without Your threads.
There is something infinite about us, on the inside, something timeless, where time, aging and inability seem, unjust. The fall made all of us to be like animals born in a zoo, in captivity, never really being their real self, in all the freedom of just living as they were created. We are creatures made for a world not fallen, yet fallen we are and we do not know what and who we really are nor do we really know how to live. (Yet) There is something profoundly, singularly, magnificent about us humans.
Tree of Life,
By faith, in partaking of You,
I have eaten from the tree of Life
And, I am utterly not fallen
By the Blood's Life gift,
Cleansing gift,
Holy, Eternal, Life, Love,
I am not a prisoner
I am not a loser,
I am not lost,
No more bound,
But boundless,
Victorious,
Free,
The Tree of Life
Shed His Blood
For me.
He sees me and knows me
As I really am,
Though it be mystery to me,
The only way to know me
To walk free
Is to know Him.
Through a glass darkly
We see Him
We will be like Him
When the mystery is removed
When He appears,
What are we to Him?
He values nothing higher. (Is this true?)
We are Love's Holy Cause
Love's Holy Passion
Love's Holy Treasure.
"...See what (an incredible) quality of love the Father has given (shown, bestowed on) us, that we should (be permitted) be named and called and counted, the children of God! And so we are! The reason that the world does not know (recognize, acknowledge) us is that is does not know (recognize and acknowledge) Him.
Beloved, we are (even here and) now, God's children; it is not yet disclosed (made clear) what we shall be (hearafter) but we know that when He comes and is manifested, we shall resemble and be like Him, for we shall see Him just as He really is..." 1 John 3:1,2
(and here's another excerpt)
from September 30/07
Thank You, for doing wondrously, in me. I am, just like Jehovah, is I AM. Something in us needs to know You this way, hugely. I often say, "I don't know how to just "be", Lord, help me "BE".!
I am not in a role, nor is my life a script, with lines to memorize and with expectations to deliver on cue. I am a living being, in a creative flow, in unity with my Creator, my Friend, harmony, life, like the current of a river moving, or the wind that blows, not static, not rote, not set in stone, but alive together. This world is not this way. It's all in an accumulation of knowledge and how one uses it. Somehow, we rarely live out of out true self. BUT, we will know it's lack, though we can't describe it and though we may never divulge it to anyone. There is a desperate incompleteness that haunts us and it is a drive that confounds us.
We feel like we're coming to a cliff or in a river, and hear the waterfalls thundering just up ahead, and we are always warding off dread. If feels inevitable. Yet, it is Your Kindness that leads to revelation unto repentance, and the force of seeing that causes us to acknowledge a misery, an emptiness, which bring us to You. You are SO dreadfully missed, so desperately hungered for, yet, unbeknownst. Oh God, open blind hearts, until they are blissfully freed in the truth of Your love and BEING, with them.
Emmanuel, God with US.
We need to know, we weren't created to be alone..."
Okay, well that is that for today. I am grateful, for the many pens, pieces of paper, "journals" in varying shape and size, from spiral notebooks, to leather bound tomes:) Life pouring out, in breath, in energy, in movement and in ink:) and heard, seen, treasured, listened to, by God, Who is with us, with me. Yipee!
